.uncommon knack for embarrassing everyone in the room.

so i'm sitting at my desk at work and the front desk bell rings, so i run out there all hungover and with food in my teeth or whatever and probably fucking cat hair fucking all over me. and standing there is the FUCKING GUY that asked me for my number on new years, who was all too short for me, but then when he didn't call i was all, fuck holy shit, now I'M BEING REJECTED BY SHORT MEN. so i'm standing there and having this totally awkward "what are you doing here?" "no, what are you doing here?" conversation with this guy. so i decide to say, and then proceed to say, out LOUD, "so, you never called me." cuz that's really gonna make the conversation less fucking weird.

and then it was just terrible and embarrassing as i suddenly realized that i'm standing there, at work, and announcing that i've been rejected, and then my coworkers started walking in. so i just died on the spot. it was horrible.

and then the sad, pathetic nature of my situation really hits home when i sit down at my desk and start to tear up while staring at my cold microwaved trader joe's enchiladas. my phone starts to ring and i think, either it's one of my friends for whom i just left a "omigod i'm so embarrassed" voice mail, or it's him. calling. because somewhere between the awkward confrontation and the searing humiliation, i charmed him. because that's what i was going for, you know, was like, casablanca or whatever, "of all the offices in this town, you had to walk into mine." but it came out more like, "i'm scary and angry. turn and run." anyway, so i have this moment of, like, hope and it's an unknown number that is calling me, so it must be him, and he must have walked right out of my office and thought, "i'm a fool not to have called her!" and i answer it, all cocky and flipping my hair.

"hello, julianne? this is so-and-so, confirming your fucking doctor's appointment tomorrow, you sad loser."