.huey lewis and impending unemployment.

so i just quit my job. i didn't intend to when i woke up this morning or when i drove to work. but i walked into my office with that same feeling of dread and panic. and sure enough, by the time my computer screen read 9:30 in the corner, i was crying. this is my daily routine. stir cream and sugar into my coffee, check my email, and something will inevitably make me cry. every day, i tell myself to suck it up. every day, i get my work done. with coffee and gossip blogs and whining to my co-workers, i make it to 5:00. and every day i come back. and for some reason, today i marched right into my boss's office and said, "i have to give my two weeks notice." i have to, i said. because i just can't take it any more.

i think that i'm less scared of being broke and of not finding a new job (although i am scared of those things, too) than i am of changing my daily routine. i can recognize, rationally, that if my daily routine is to cry before lunchtime, then i should not lament change. but change persists to trump all other fears.

i was consoling myself, between rapid heartbeats and shallow breaths, by pondering the updside of change. this will force me to do something new and different. to go to new places (job interviews!) and to meet new people. i'll have time for hiking and yoga and baking and reading and knitting and watching woody allen movies. my life will turn in a new direction. it will be excited, unexpected, and inspiring. i will no longer feel tearful and bored and dead inside.

then huey lewis walks in, talking louder than is appropriate for people who aren't celebrities. he's friends with a gentleman who rents an office in our building. he's come in a few times before, so it's not eye-poppingly bizarre that he should show up at work on a monday afternoon. but i think this bodes well. in the spirit of celebrating the unexpected, huey lewis is one of many welcome surprises that are headed my way.