choose your own adventure.
am i depressed because i sit around feeling sorry for myself all the time, or do i feel sorry for myself because i'm tragically and hopelessly depressed?
(i think the answer's in the question.)
in a usual monday morning, how-was-your-weekend email, i described mine as the following:
i had the shittiest weekend, man.
it started on friday, when i couldn't go get snacks with you guys cuz i couldn't get out of bed. and ended on sunday, when i couldn't get out of bed. basically, sat in bed all weekend, watching depressing movies and not really feeding myself. i found out that my roomate went to a party on saturday night and happened to run into all of my friends (who did not invite me). also, tried to force myself to be social by going to get snacks with kate on saturday (cuz i woke up at 5 pm after sleeping all day) and she YELLED at me, TWICE. worried about self. please come up and smack me around and tell me to snap out of it.
and upon further reflection, it occured to me that i could present the same weekend's events in a much more positive, much less whiny light. for example, i could have said:
it was nice- pretty low-key. i rented a surprisingly successful batch of movies- blue velvet, the days of wine and roses, season six part two of sex and the city (!). the cats had two hours of outside time on saturday while i chopped up a downed tree in our backyard. they were very well-behaved- ate grass, rolled around, didn't run away. i went for a hardcore run (and by hardcore, i mean 20 minutes without stopping). i developed prints (this time using PRINT developer, not film developer) and they came out with all of the blacks and whites that i was hoping for- made me feel artsy and productive. cleaned house, knitted, cuddled with the kitties, got a lot of rest. oh- and didn't smoke a single cigarette even though i went to a smoky bar!
see- both of these descriptions are equally true (pardon a few melodramatic exaggerations in the first one), but the second one is a bit more fun. if i forced myself to, say, look on the bright side, list off the positives (of which, it is tough to admit, there are many), might i be a more palatable friend?
might i be-- happy?
(i think the answer's in the question.)
in a usual monday morning, how-was-your-weekend email, i described mine as the following:
i had the shittiest weekend, man.
it started on friday, when i couldn't go get snacks with you guys cuz i couldn't get out of bed. and ended on sunday, when i couldn't get out of bed. basically, sat in bed all weekend, watching depressing movies and not really feeding myself. i found out that my roomate went to a party on saturday night and happened to run into all of my friends (who did not invite me). also, tried to force myself to be social by going to get snacks with kate on saturday (cuz i woke up at 5 pm after sleeping all day) and she YELLED at me, TWICE. worried about self. please come up and smack me around and tell me to snap out of it.
and upon further reflection, it occured to me that i could present the same weekend's events in a much more positive, much less whiny light. for example, i could have said:
it was nice- pretty low-key. i rented a surprisingly successful batch of movies- blue velvet, the days of wine and roses, season six part two of sex and the city (!). the cats had two hours of outside time on saturday while i chopped up a downed tree in our backyard. they were very well-behaved- ate grass, rolled around, didn't run away. i went for a hardcore run (and by hardcore, i mean 20 minutes without stopping). i developed prints (this time using PRINT developer, not film developer) and they came out with all of the blacks and whites that i was hoping for- made me feel artsy and productive. cleaned house, knitted, cuddled with the kitties, got a lot of rest. oh- and didn't smoke a single cigarette even though i went to a smoky bar!
see- both of these descriptions are equally true (pardon a few melodramatic exaggerations in the first one), but the second one is a bit more fun. if i forced myself to, say, look on the bright side, list off the positives (of which, it is tough to admit, there are many), might i be a more palatable friend?
might i be-- happy?
posted by .i'll never tell. at 11:20 AM
1 Comments:
v. smart. i think you do get to decide how to frame your experience. but, of course it's not the duplicit choice between half-full, half-empty that the western world might force-feed. i believe if you can see the complexity in your world--the shit and good stuff--especially in the same moment, it's more honest and probably more real. so, i dunno if you'll be happy (is that always the best goal, anyway?), but life will be more thought-provoking and maybe even inspiring. why force yourself to choose between being a cynical moaner or a rose-colored gusher when real life has so much more depth and variability?
but you are smart. you know this intiutively already, i think.
v. glad you're posting again.
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